A Difficult Time…update

I’d like to thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement regarding the passing of my beloved laptop. She is in a better place aka a box under my bed but that’s besides the point. She’s been laid to rest, and I have moved on to a beautiful, lightning fast, sleek new model. As I waited for my new laptop to be delivered, I imagined all the work I would now be able to get done. I figured I’d be pumping out new stories right and left once we got together but the truth is….

Have you ever seen the movie “The First Wives Club”? Brenda and Morton (played by Bette Midler and Dan Hedaya) have been married for eons when Morton suddenly decides that Brenda isn’t young, fast, or flashy enough for him. He moves on to Shelly who is all those things, but Morton soon realizes he made a mistake. “I’m not Brenda,” Shelly says. “No. You’re not,” Morton replies. THAT’S how I feel.

This laptop is not that laptop and it’s taking me some time to get used to the change.

It isn’t that my new laptop isn’t great: she’s wonderful but I, like Morton, can’t act like I don’t want that old thing back.

It’s funny how we attach ourselves to inanimate objects, how we give them human traits and characteristics and how we mourn them and miss them when they no longer work. Some things you can move on quickly from. I replace TVs, coffee pots, cell phones in the blink of an eye, but my laptop was almost like an extension of myself. This new one feels weird- almost like having a new arm or leg.

I’ve begun the healing process by getting back into my writing ritual- I know I’m not the only one who has one. I begin by plugging in, fixing a cup of coffee and (if I’m being honest) looking at Tik Tok (let’s discuss that in another blog, ok?) until I am ready to dive in. I reread something that I’ve written before, something that makes me speak to myself in the 2nd person like “Girl, you killed that” or “Wow! You’re amazing”. Then I open whatever I’m working on and get started.

I am a professional procrastinator, so I appreciate the fact that my new laptop nudges me when I’ve been sitting too long by darkening her screen. I am notorious for not saving, so she saves my work automatically and she spell checks everything I do because my spelling is atrocious (yes, she spell checked that too).

Listen, I know this new laptop is a gift, even if it’s taking me some time to get used to her. I know she will honor, obey, and become a reliable partner who will fulfill all her duties. Over time I will come up with a name for her and maybe I’ll love her just as much as I loved her predecessor who forever holds a special place in my heart, but now I must move on.

CTRL, ALT, DELETE, best friend. Gone but never forgotten.

Published by fergwilliams

Ferguson Williams, a fiction writer from Socastee, South Carolina, is a 2021 Periplus Collective Fellow and a 2021 Elizabeth Boatwright Coker Fellowship Finalist. Her work has appeared in Five:2:One Magazine, Azure: A Journal of Literary Thought, and The Petigru Review.

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